Speak your mind, your heart, your wishes in order to get what you want and need?
Or do you stay silent? And what feelings come up for you when you do? Fear? Worry? Something else? Perhaps even anger at not speaking up?
Or do you believe that others should take care of you? Like your parents. Your manager. Your partner. Your friends. The universe. That it isn’t your place, or even necessary, to ask for things for yourself because others should and will take care of you?
In coaching sessions, this often comes up as people try to move their lives to a better place.
It could be in the workplace, where they might feel left behind or deserving of a promotion, but haven’t talked to their manager about it.
It could be in a relationship, where one person has needs but has yet to act on those needs with their partner.
And so on.
Does this resonate with you? Are you in a situation where you’d like some change for the better but yet haven’t actually taken any personal action towards that change?
And how does that feel for you? What’s stopping you from speaking up and advocating for yourself?
Is it…
Fear of reprisal? Refusal? What others think? Conflict?
That it’s not your place? That your work should speak for itself?
Fear of disappointment, or feelings of hopelessness, that if you try you will fail?
A feeling of no power in this situation?
That others and the universe should deliver what you deserve, and it does no matter what you do?
Or even simply not knowing. Not knowing that if you were to ask, you might actually solicit positive change for you and you can get what you want and need?
May I say that advocating for yourself is one of the most powerful life tools you can deploy and master.
It puts you in control of your life. Only you know what you want and need. And now you tell others. And then you ask, and prod nicely, gently, consistently, firmly, follow up, rinse and repeat – you get the picture – until it happens for you.
And if it doesn’t, you at least tried – we are never successful in every situation and sometimes bowing out is the right thing to do, in order to find the right place for our wants and needs. Here, bowing out is your choice; you’re still in control!
So still in control. Still in the driver’s seat. How does that resonate with you? Are you in the driver’s seat of your life now?
When think of something in your life you want or need, how does it feel to advocate for yourself? What comes up for you when you bring that possible path into your consciousness? If blocks and barriers show up, where do they come from and how might you resolve them? And if you hadn’t thought of speaking up and asking, how about giving it a try?
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