Every client shows up saying they hate their lives and want change.
But many clients don’t. Or won’t. Or can’t.
No matter what they say, what we design, what they say they will do after the session – still no movement.
Despite the negativity they feel, they still stay in place.
Do you know someone like that? Someone you see with all these issues but cannot get themselves out of their predicament?
Or maybe you are one of those people?
In the coaching world, we could make a huge list of why someone could not move from where they are now.
However, even after awareness of root causes and potential solutions, they still may not move.
One big, very important and often overlooked reason is simply this.
Sometimes staying in place IS THE RIGHT MOVE.
It can be a hard thing to accept!
All clients desire resolution but yet here is Coach Dave telling me it’s ok to just sit here and NOT MOVE towards resolution?
In coaching, we like to talk about 3 essential components that clients need to be coached towards solutions.
These are READINESS, WILLINGNESS, and CAPACITY.
I will state right now that DESIRE for resolution is NONE of these!
Your desire did get you to show up to a session. Trust a coach. Discuss your deepest issues and uncover the root causes.
Yet it is entirely possible that after all that, NONE of it moves you closer to moving towards a desired state.
I had a client last week who wanted above all else to find a new job. But, it was a huge slog to apply over and over again and be greeted with radio silence. It was discouraging. Disheartening. Frustrating. Hopeless.
No matter what we discussed, he could not envision any possible action that was worth doing.
What was the resolution for the session? To stay in place. To take a break and reflect. To do something else way more fun and recharge.
I could see the wheels turning, in the sludge of his discouragement and hopelessness. So much of him wanted to get out of the sludge, but in the end he would give this a try.
It was the only spark I could get out of him all session long.
Better a little spark than no spark at all!
We are an action oriented society. We love to take action. When we can’t take action, we feel very bad.
Just know that staying in place is ALSO AN ACTION.
You may need to stay in place at this time. Your system may need time to get to a place of being able to take a different action. You may need to embody PATIENCE until the right time.
And so take stock of where you are, if you feel you cannot move from it. It is ALWAYS a valid choice to do nothing and stay in place. There are reasons why that is, even if you don’t know what they are. You will know when it is time for movement, and when true readiness, willingness, and capacity are at levels where you can.
How about you? Are you feeling stuck and can’t move? What if you did nothing for just a little while longer?