I Hate Wild Animals

I hate wild animals.
Ever since I got molested by a monk seal off the Big Island of Hawaii, I just hate wild animals. Can’t stand encountering them in the wild. Don’t want them near me.
This last Friday, I was running in Rancho San Antonio. I was about 1:30 down in my 2:30 run and I was in my second half of my negative split. I proceeded to enter into my favorite hill loop on Coyote Trail. I feel pretty good and am maintaining a good clip up to the top and right before the top, half in the trail lays about a third of a big ass rattlesnake!
I screeeeeech to a halt.
I see the rattle itself; it’s almost 3 inches long and the tail it’s attached to is about 2 inches thick. Crap I thought, I don’t want to get bit! I look at it. It’s just laying there. No movement at all. Is it dead? Or just laying there in the sun. But rattlesnakes are pretty sensitive; it should have picked up my stomping up to it well before I saw it. Still, it’s just laying there. Taunting me? About to spring a trap on me? Should I move closer? Check it out? Maybe it’s dead. The rattle isn’t rattling. Don’t rattlesnakes do that to warn off predators and stupid humans like me? Should I try to run past it and maybe it’s not fast enough to strike me if I’m sprinting past?
This all goes through my head in about 5 seconds.
I say no way. I do a 180 and hightail it out of there back the way I came. No way am I going to risk getting bit by a poisonous 4 foot rattlesnake!
I hate wild animals.
Last year in the fall, I was running in Rancho San Antonio again. I’m on the trail from the parking lot to the farm and I’m behind this other woman. We’re running along and all of a sudden, I hear this clopping of steps from ahead of us. It gets louder and louder and I realize it’s a doe, running at full tilt. About a length behind her is this buck, with about 7-8 points on its antlers. I see the woman ahead of me duck to the side and let them pass.
But then, the doe flashes past me and the next thing I see is…antlers! Crud! I leap aside and the buck just races past and my heart rate leaps as I realize that a full speed running buck, probably weighing a few hundred pounds, driving it’s antlers ahead of it would have probably put some big holes in my torso and tossed me 15-20 feet behind me. Ack!
I hate wild animals.
You know – you see them in zoos and in the movies. They look so tame and cute. They’re always doing good things.
But then reality hits. You see them in the wild and you realize they are really dangerous animals. All of them. Even the plant eaters. They are all schooled in kill or be killed. Us humans, we’re stupid. Spoiled. Can’t even put up a decent fight against a charging buck or a rattlesnake. Worthless.
I hate wild animals. I run as fast as I can the other way when I see ’em.

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