Run DMC, “You Talk to Much”, King of Rock
Do you find yourself talking a lot? Over talking even? Maybe even not aware of it? Finding some need to over explain? Justify? Something else inside that causes words to continue to emerge?
Sometimes we all over deliver words. We feel the need to keep talking, as if more talking will help whatever situation we are in. As if more words will make the listener understand what we are trying to say. Or perhaps hide what we feel inside…?
However, talking too much can have some undesirable effects. It turns out that the listener can start to get overwhelmed with words and information, which happens around 30 seconds after you start. Attention starts to waver. Tuning out starts to happen.
If you’re trying to get your listener to understand, it’s probably better if you find a way to stop talking in/around 30 seconds! Otherwise, information will get lost.
Over talking can reveal a lack of confidence or organization in what you are saying. This may not what you want to communicate to your listener, especially if you are trying to project confidence!
There are other effects like dominating a conversation such that the listener can’t get a word in. What does that reveal about a person who over talks simply to not let anyone respond…? Avoidance of conflict? Lack of respect for the audience? Something else? Is that what you want in your listeners?
Doesn’t sound like a great way to build relationships!
So do you over talk? If so, what might be the reasons why you do?
And what would be your goals in any communications, or a particular communication like in an interview or with a loved one? Is more talking getting you there?
If it’s not, then you might try this.
Before you say something, PAUSE. Take a CALMING breath before you respond. Roll through possibilities in your head first, of what you might say. Your brain is a marvel of processing; you can roll through many options faster than you think!
Then, pick the one that will communicate what you want to say in only 30 SECONDS. Choose your words, organize your sentences. You can do it in a few seconds of PAUSE and CALM!
Once you have it, then SAY IT. THEN STOP.
Listen for understanding. A good conversationalist will respond with something that indicates understanding. You may not have that person in front of you, so you may need to watch for it yourself.
Or prompt for understanding. Something like:
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
HOW’S THAT LANDING FOR YOU?
THOUGHTS?
WHAT’S COMING UP FOR YOU WHEN I SAY THAT?
If the understanding isn’t there, then try again!
If it is, GREAT JOB and keep going!
Through this whole exercise, pay attention to yourself. How are you feeling when you talk this way? What is coming up for you? What shifts are happening, if any, in the way you feel about yourself and what you are saying?
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