No One Supports Me

How true does this feel in your life?

That you have no one to support you in your life?

That there is no one whom you can talk to. Someone who really listens and understands. Who doesn’t judge. And helps you in what you need right at that moment?

Maybe you can identify with this statement. Maybe you can’t and it’s just a collection of negative feelings right now.

It can be at work, or at home. Or both.

In the workplace, it is related to culture, co-workers, and management.
Outside of work, it is about friends, family, loved ones, partners, community, children, and so on.

Without support, it can feel very lonely. Depressing. Anxious. Fearful. Hopeless. Helpless.

I see it often among my clients.

The simple answer can be all they required. To find someone to support them in the ways they need.

We coach around all the possibilities there, ranging from things like working with a terrible manager in the workplace, to looking for and joining new communities outside of work.

However, a more complex solution may need to be deployed.

What is that exactly?

It is the awareness that there are always two parties in every communication situation. And that we may need to work on ourselves alongside our search for support from others.

These would be things like:

Elements of ourselves which trigger and block our ability to receive support.
Changing our communication style, how we ask for support, how we let others know what we need.
Working on fears of opening up and being vulnerable.
How to look for people to trust, and to really trust them.
Being OK that some people can’t support us, and that they are doing the best they can, even if it is not enough or not what we need.

And so on.

One thing we emphasize in coaching is that we can only coach the person in front of us. We cannot work on people who are not there.

We can search for others to support us and coach towards finding the best ways to do that.

However, changing ourselves to be able to recognize someone who is trustworthy, to be able to ask for support and fully receive it are things that are also critical to us being able to find support in our lives.

How do you perceive the support you have in your work and life? What kinds of support are missing? And when you take a step back and look at your lack of support, what can you change in yourself to improve the situation, even when it seems like other people are needed?

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